7 Signs Your Mentor Is a Gem and You Should Keep Them
A mentor is defined as “an experienced and trusted adviser,” and over the last 16 years, I have discovered seven important qualities for great mentorship based on experiences with my own mentors. These gems have helped me achieve professional success and I want to share these gems with you.
Here are seven signs your mentor is rare and you should keep him or her in your life.
1. Promotes You and Your Work
You will know you have a good mentor when they promote your work to their colleagues and others in the field, and if they speak highly of you in front of others. This person truly wants to see you successful.
2. Practices Active Listening
A mentor is one who listens to you, helps you shape your goals, and encourages you to make progress toward them. This person respects your background and is sensitive to your values and upbringing; invests time to listen and help you move forward.
3. Tells You What You’re Doing Right
Unfortunately for most of us professionals, we are quickly given feedback on what we’re doing wrong. When you’re doing something right, people usually are silent. Great mentors will let you know what you did well before offering corrective feedback. In behavioral psychology, this is referred to as “catching them doing good,” meaning that if you want to improve a behavior, you must first let people know what they are doing right and in return, they will engage in that behavior more often.
4. Provides Feedback (Not in Public)
You know you have a great mentor when he provides feedback privately and works with you to address the feedback. Telling you that you didn’t do a great job on a project doesn’t feel too great, but letting you exactly how to improve the project is a hallmark of great mentorship. In that private conversation, you can ask follow-up questions and have an honest conversation about your work, so make sure you are open to hearing your mentor’s advice. Another aspect to consider is that mentors should feel comfortable telling you about their own prior mistakes so you don’t end up making them.
5. Connects You With Opportunities
When your mentor actively seeks opportunities for you to develop your skills, learn more, and engage with other smart people, you know you’ve found one who really cares about your present and future success. This can be as simple as forwarding you an email for a training opportunity or a book suggestion.
6. Builds a Two-Way Street of Trust
None of us is without the need for taking a mental health break, taking bereavement leave, or dealing with a medical condition that requires a break periodically. You should be able to tell your mentor – without going into deep details or feeling like you’re being grilled – that you need time off. How they react to this will let you know whether they are truly supportive.
7. Puts Your Needs First
Your mentor might want you to stay at the business, the company, the university, but ultimately, they should be able to put your needs first – over their own needs and over their institution’s needs. They will help you make the decision that’s best for you, even if it’s not the decision that’s best for them.
Resources on Mentorship
Jon Dwoskin from Forbes suggests that everyone needs three mentors to help us get unstuck and avoid mistakes in his article, “The Power of Mentorship.” Dwoskin suggests that you can call a person in your life whom you admire and would like to learn from and ask them to be your mentor. Also, there have been studies conducted of mentored and non-mentored participants and there was a positive correlation related to career outcomes for those who were mentored.
Mary Abbajay wrote on the three essential elements of success in mentoring and these include the mentor, the mentee, and the relationship itself. She explains in her Forbes article how this is a two-way street and how to be a good mentee, including being clear about one’s goals as well as ability to take feedback.
Final Thoughts
Your mentor is someone you relate to. It could be a teacher/professor for a course you enjoyed, your supervisor at work, a family friend in a similar field, or a businesses owner in your neighborhood that you look up to, just to give a few examples. In order to develop the mentor/mentee relationship, it can take years of getting to know one another and building trust. It is ultimately someone you want to keep in your life forever.